- Ed Sullivan: And so, I want you to be prepared for excessive screaming, hysteria, hyperventilation, fainting, fits, seizures, spasmodic convulsions, even attempted suicides. All perfectly normal. Merely means that these youngsters are enjoying themselves.
- Rosie Petrofsky: [the Beatles limo is taking off] Look, There they go!
- Richard 'Ringo' Klaus: Hey, wait a minute! That limo got Jersey plates!
- Tony Smerko: [Hesitates] Nah, it couldn't be.
- Rosie Petrofsky: [Rosie and "Ringo" are trapped in an elevator, when Ringo discovers the trap door on the top of the elevator] That looks dangerous!
- Richard 'Ringo' Klaus: Not really. It's not as dangerous as when I got thrown off the Long Island Rail Road, and this isn't even moving.
- Ed Sullivan: Now, I know a lot of you are wondering about tomorrow night's show. Just who are these youngsters from Liverpool who call themselves the Beatles? Just what can we expect? Well, let me put it in perspective for you.Now, here a few years ago,we had a young vocalist up on our stage by the name of Elvis Presley. He, a few of you may remember... He caused quite a sensational reaction... among the youngsters in our studio audience. Well, tomorrow night, right here on our stage,we're gonna have Elvis Presley times four!
- [speaking to the Beatles fans surrounding the hotel]
- Murray the 'K': All right, listen. I am out here only to let you know about one thing. We don't want you to move. We want you to stay here. We like the vibe that you're givin' off. But you've been yelling so loud, you broke a couple of windows.
- Grace Corrigan: [Grace needs money, and just overheard a man on the phone arrange for a college-age escort to come to his hotel room] Larry, how old do you think I look?
- Larry Dubois: [shrugs nervously] I dunno.
- Grace Corrigan: I mean, uh, you think I could pass for a college student?
- Larry Dubois: Sure, sure. You get good grades.
- Rosie Petrofsky: What about the words? Don't you people ever listen to the words?
- Tony Smerko: You ever listen to the words to Louie Louie?