Spaceballs (1987)
Joan Rivers: Dot Matrix
Photos
Quotes
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Dot Matrix : How far did he get? What did he touch? What did he touch?
Princess Vespa : Nothing happened.
Lone Starr : What the hell was that noise?
Dot Matrix : *That* was my Virgin Alarm. lt's programmed to go off before you do.
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Lone Starr : Who hasn't heard of Yogurt!
Princess Vespa : Yogurt the Wise!
Dot Matrix : Yogurt the All-Powerful!
Barf : Yogurt the Magnificent!
Yogurt : Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.
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[as they are trekking through the desert]
Lone Starr : Water. Water.
Barf : [Barf is panting with his tongue hanging out]
Dot Matrix : Oil. Oil.
Princess Vespa : Room service. Room service.
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[last lines]
Dot Matrix : [seeing Lone Starr and Princess Vespa kiss at their wedding] Well, goodbye virgin alarm.
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Dot Matrix : Can we talk? OK, we all know Prince Valium is a pill. But you could have married him for your father's sake and had a headache for the next 25 years.
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Princess Vespa : [the quartet enters Yogurt's lair]
Princess Vespa : What is this place?
Barf : It looks like the Temple of Doom.
Dot Matrix : Well it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.
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Barf : (reacting to the guards being shot by Princess Vespa) HOLY SHIT!
Princess Vespa : How was that?
Lone Starr : Not bad.
Barf : Not bad... for a girl.
Dot Matrix : Hey that was pretty good for RAMBO!
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Dot Matrix : [while running from blaster fire, a la Star Wars] "Ooh, I *hate* these movies!
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Dot Matrix : Hey, stop looking up my can.
Barf : Sorry.
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Lone Starr : Called me an idiot! I'm going back there and explain a few things to her.
Dot Matrix : Besides he got a sexy voice. He might be cute.
Barf : Wait. You haven't seen what she looks like.
Lone Starr : I know what she looks like. You've seen one princess, you've seen them all.
Princess Vespa : Cute? I know these space bums, they're all alike. Fat, ugly...
Lone Starr : Buck-toothed, knock-kneed...
Princess Vespa : Beer-swilling pigs!
Lone Starr : Horse-faced space dogs!
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Dot Matrix : I was saying; Do you realize what you've done?
Princess Vespa : Yes, and I'm glad. Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad.
Dot Matrix : I wonder if she's glad.
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Dot Matrix : Hey wait, you forgot to get married!
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Dot Matrix : [Mega Maid is sucking the air away from Druidia] What'll we do?
Lone Starr : We've got to act fast. Step one, we reverse the vacuum and blow the air back onto the planet. Step two, we destroy that thing.
Princess Vespa : But isn't that dangerous?
Lone Starr : Extremely. Plus, I don't know how the hell we're gonna do it!
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Princess Vespa : What's going on?
Dot Matrix : It's either the 4th of July, or someone's trying to kill us!
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Lone Starr : Now, hear this: the minute we get out of here, the first thing we do is dump the matched luggage.
Dot Matrix : What was that?
Princess Vespa : Now, you hear this, whoever you are. You will not *touch* that luggage. And furthermore, I want this pigsty cleaned up. I will not be rescued in such filth!
Lone Starr : Listen. On this ship, I don't take orders, I give 'em. This is my dreamboat, sweetheart.
Princess Vespa : [insulted] Sweetheart?
Dot Matrix : Uh-oh.
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Dot Matrix : Barf, how'd you do it?