WisdomsHammer's Reviews

M3GAN (2022)

6/10

15 July 2023

Warning: Spoilers

I liked this movie. As a horror movie, it worked on so many levels, but there was one thing wrong: There were no heroes.

The movie was filled with despicable people, and I do mean FILLED. Even the kid was despicable (the character, not the actor, she's adorable). There was no one to root for in this thing.

I loved the concept, the acting, the effects, that amazing girl who played M3GAN, and almost all of it - but I need to have someone in the story I can relate to and want to live, even if they end up a victim. I need someone sympathetic to the human condition. I think we all do. And that's what is missing from this movie.

So odd, in a time where empathy seems to be at it's lowest that people can see this movie and "get it." I hope... Maybe that's the hidden message? I don't think the filmmakers meant that to be the message, but hey, if people start treating each other better after seeing this, I'm all for it.

Great movie. But we need a hero. (my opinion)

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Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

3/10

Great special effects. Poor in just about everything else.

12 July 2023

At the beginning of the movie we see John Connor get his ass kicked and thrown in a kennel by a vet, played by Claire Danes. It turns out she's a badass and he's a wimp. At least that's these writers' version of this character, anyway. John Connor in this movie (played weakly both literally and figuratively by Nick Stahl) is not the John Connor of the previous movies. He has his mouth open most of the time without taking action. He looks dumbfounded and defenseless most of the time. This is the new leader of humanity?? I get that he didn't want this responsibility, but wow, did they have to make him so pathetic? It honestly made me angry watching a script written by people who didn't seem all that familiar with the main character.

Cameron and Hamilton wisely bailed on this. They couldn't even get the music right. Why this has so many good reviews is beyond me. For some people, mindless entertainment is good enough, I guess. If you care about the franchise and hoped for an actual sequel, avoid this. You honestly won't be missing anything.

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Death Spa (1988)

3/10

So bad it's bad. They didn't even try.

7 July 2023

It's a damn shame that this movie didn't end up better than it was. The premise isn't original, but it's a fun one for a horror movie even if it does sound silly: A computerized gym starts killing people. Who's behind it all?

Watch William Bumiller's character bully everyone he even slightly suspects is behind it all. Too much of the movie is this guy getting in everyone's faces. It would be funny if it didn't take up so much of the movie. If you don't recognize that actor's name, no one will blame you. He hasn't been in much else and this movie is probably the reason for that. If this was his big break he totally blew it.

The budget on this thing had to be decent. You can tell just by the lighting and how well shot it is. The effects aren't bad either. There are great, gory horror kills interspersed throughout the movie along with plenty of nudity, but without a story to tie it all together, it's infuriating to wait until the next ridiculous "good part." Although I gotta say they were stretching it thin towards the end with the blender and the fish, both hilarious if they hadn't gone on beyond the punchline of what had to be a joke.

This came out a year after Killer Workout, which is also a bad horror movie - but I highly recommend that one before this one because at least they tried to make a movie and didn't just string nonsense together and call it one. The thing is, this movie LOOKS way better than Killer Workout. It's a shame they didn't put just a little more effort into the final product.

This is really bad.

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The Devil's Doorway (2018)

5/10

A real historical horror turned into a kinda crappy found footage movie.

23 June 2023

Warning: Spoilers

I gotta put my two cents in here. These ratings are all over the place and I can't tell how many of them if any are shills.

This movie wasn't "bad" and had many great aspects. The acting was great, the general mood and lighting were spooky, and I liked the scares, even the jump scares.

But conveniently the camera light goes on and off while filming the most tense parts - I'm guessing to add tension - and it was really, really annoying. It only does that during the better parts. It was really a bad choice, imo. I kind of want to rate this a four for that alone, it's that bad. But the movie is better than that.

The other thing that bugs me is that this is based on the Magdalene Laundries in Ireland, which was a real thing, and a real horror. This movie feels a bit disrespectful, turning the legitimate horrors those women experienced into a completely different kind of horror movie revolving around devil worship at an asylum run by nuns. I think it diminishes the reality of what happened and sensationalizes it for cheap thrills.

So yeah, I am being generous in giving this a 5/10, but overall, as a horror movie, that's how I rate it.

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The Shaft (2001)

3/10

If it didn't take itself so seriously, it would have been a fun horror comedy.

30 March 2023

"Down" aka "The Shaft" starts off pretty good with an elevator gruesomely killing people. And not in a funny horror comedy way. It roasts pregnant women alive. That's not funny. But it is absolutely horrifying. Then it goes off the rails so many times I lost count. The story keeps diverting and throwing things at you while occasionally showing you another elevator kill to spice things up. It loses its identity so many times trying to be everything from a buddy cop comedy to a cinderella with an evil boss romcom to something that almost feels on the order of Die Hard without going far enough. There's even a rollerblade chase in New York city with crazy stunts. Why? I guess it doesn't really matter. The absurdity of it all would have been great if the movie didn't take itself so seriously and the kills were more slapstick and less horrific. I mean, if this is meant to be satire or parody, at least throw some quippy witty one liners in or something.

Naomi Watts plays a plucky reporter that I couldn't stand and never rooted for. The protagonist is a moron but at least somewhat likeable. Again, that would have been great in a comedy, but it's all laughless.

They also throw in several amazing character actors but for all the screentime or relevance they have, they're just slightly better than cameos. Michael Ironside is barely given enough time to steal the show. Ron Perlman may as well not have been there except for us to say, "Hey! That's Ron Perlman!" Several other recognizeable faces are here with so little screentime or story significance that it puzzles me. This thing must have had one serious budget.

It's definitely a B horror movie but not "so bad it's good". The effects aren't bad, the production is good, and it is definitely horrific at times, but it's padded out quite a bit and gets boring in too many places while you wait for the elevator to show up.

They actually did a pretty good job of making the elevator feel like an actual character, too! Too bad they gave it a supporting role and didn't make it the real star. I'd say it was in maybe half the movie, when it should have been in almost all of it. The movie is about a malfunctioning elevator but for me, it's the only thing that actually really worked in this thing.

My rating of 3/10 is probably a little harsh, but there are so many better horror movies to see that I can't recommend it. It's just too stupid.

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Your Name. (2016)

10/10

My new favorite movie.

2 March 2023

Warning: Spoilers

I don't need to sing praises for this thing any more than people already have, I just wanted to write my own glowing review.

I'm not big into anime. I can take it or leave it. Some of it is fun, some is good, most of it is a little out there, but this is a highly relatable movie for anyone to enjoy, whether they like anime or not.

It's just so good. Please, give this movie a chance and watch it. It's confusing at first, but the pieces fall into place as the movie progresses and it will just melt your heart into a puddle by the end. A warm, feely feels puddle. That sounds creepy, but it's a really, really good movie.

I don't hand out 10 ratings often. THIS IS A 10.

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Sounds of Silence (1989)

3/10

Unable to suspend my disbelief enough to enjoy this.

27 October 2022

I love ghost story movies, but this one is so poorly written and directed that I couldn't suspend my disbelief enough to enjoy it. It was obvious that it had some decent production behind it - the cinematography and sound were pretty good, I thought. Great atmosphere and mood around a story that isn't original but isn't a bad premise to build a good ghost story on. This one is very talky and drawn out, unfortunately.

Some people aren't going to have the same problems I did with this and might actually like this movie quite a bit, so let me try to break it down briefly to give you an idea what's in store without any major spoilers.

A young couple and their deaf son move to a house they've inherited. The young boy starts seeing ghost children in tattered clothes who lead him to an orphanage nearby where the guy who ran it still lives with his, uh, "assistant" or caretaker I guess, Frank. It's not difficult to guess where it goes from there, but we figure it all out WAY before any of the characters do, which makes the rest of the movie kind of a slog to sit through.

All the kids and the old guy do a pretty decent acting job in this, but everyone else is pretty bad. Frank is so laughably over the top that it's almost funny. The mother is on the verge of hysteria throughout most of the movie and seemed to be written as more of an obstacle to the progress of the story than anything else. I feel kind of bad for the actress because I think if the character was written to be more relatable, likeable, and less of an obstacle, her performance and the movie as a whole would have been better.

There are events in the movie that are horrific but bloodless and actually done quite well - a great example of letting the audience fill in the horrific details without needing to actually show them.

So it's not ALL bad, but the way the main characters are written, portrayed, and directed, I cringed through too much of this. It was so bad. I actually liked the ending, even though it was a little hokey, but sitting through the rest of the movie for it is not worth it, in my opinion. 3/10.

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Grave Robbers (1989)

4/10

Good premise, costumes, atmosphere, and gore - but TERRIBLE writing.

8 October 2022

For the most part, this story follows a group of teenage grave robbers who rob the wrong grave this time. From there on, it's just watching them and everyone around them get picked off, as you would expect, but in ways you might not. The variety of ways that people meet their demise was kind of refreshing. But watching the main characters consistently do things that make absolutely no sense is maddening.

Examples: They tie off a rope to lower themselves into the crypt, then don't use the rope. They never run away when they're able to. They waste time doing nothing when they should be starting the car, running away, etc. Oh, and the cars never start when you need them to, of course. It's the epitome of lazy writing.

I get it. It's just a dumb horror movie. But c'mon, man, make an effort.

If you're okay with terrible writing and no real story to speak of, and makeup effects that get worse as the movie goes on, I guess you'll be alright. For the rest of you, this is gonna be a little rough in parts. Good luck.

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Alligator II: The Mutation (1991)

3/10

Lead actor who can't carry the movie, and so much filler that it's boring.

13 June 2022

The "good" parts of this movie are just okay, and the rest of it is just a bunch of filler while you wait for what you really want to see: The Alligator. I mean, come on. Do we want to sit around and watch the lead whine and beg for help? That's what happens throughout too much of this. Dee Wallace, as much as I love her and her acting, couldn't save this. I kept waiting for the alligator to show up and do something, and had to slog through several unnecessary scenes to get to anything interesting. So much filler! Skip it.

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Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary (1975)

3/10

A sort of sexploitation "vampire" thriller that felt like a 70s TV movie. Cristina Ferrare is the main reason to watch.

5 May 2022

First off, I loved the casting in this and the look and feel of it. I even thought the premise was interesting. That's why I kept watching. But when the killers so consistently get away when they could have been dealt with so easily over and over and over again, it really annoys me. Several victims drop their knives and/or guns or just ridiculously fall down instead of fighting back against their attacker. There was just no way for me to suspend disbelief in this movie and that really hurt it for me.

Honestly, the only real reason I kept watching was Cristina Ferrare. Her performance actually felt sincere and plausible almost no matter how ridiculous the situation was. It was a complex role to pull off, too. She's sort of bad and good at the same time. And she's gorgeous, to boot.

I'm seeing a lot of high reviews here with people who liked it a lot more than I did, so maybe you will too. I just couldn't handle how ridiculously often and easily the killer dispatched prey and evaded death. It reminded me of comedy bits where someone gets killed by a slow moving steamroller simply because they don't step out of the way of its path. The movie isn't quite that egregious, but it's up there.

Watch it for Cristina Ferrare's performance. As far as a thriller goes, it's only satisfying if you don't mind that it's mostly just people getting chased down and killed. It really did feel like a TV movie except for the nudity and light fake blood gore.

My two cents. Good luck.

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Night's End (2022)

4/10

Starts out as a character study with spooky events, and ends up being a comedy.

1 April 2022

This movie has an identity problem. Is it about a shut in with anxiety? Sort of. Is it about a ghost? Sort of. Is it a webcam found footage sort of thing? Sort of. Does it have Michael Shannon in it? Sort of. Is it a comedy? Eh, not really, but parts of it are hilarious. Especially the ending.

Holy crap, movie, pick a plot point and stick with it.

Be warned, this movie is kind of meh, but I found myself kind of liking it a little because of how ridiculously it ended. There were some particularly funny lines with well timed deliveries. The acting was pretty decent all around. Unfortunately, the story is all over the place.

It starts out with a lot of character development focusing on the main character, but honestly, the movie ends up having little to do with him. Why spend all that time on him when he's basically the straight man for a punchline?

I liked the lead actor's portrayal of a man with mental health issues doing his best to make "forward progress" but in the end, the story didn't feel like it needed him at all or even had much to do with him, really.

If the entire movie was more closely related to how it ended, I would have loved it, but they started it one way, and ended it a completely different way - and it wasn't like some cool twist or anything, it was just hilarious, in my opinion.

I went into this without realizing Michael Shannon was in it and was surprised to see him. He doesn't have a large role but it's a supporting one, for sure. He certainly doesn't save the movie.

This isn't a very good movie, but it has its moments.

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You Can't Hurry Love (1988)

4/10

GREAT cast. HORRIBLE script.

25 March 2022

It's hard to believe how terrible movies like this can get made, let alone with a cast this talented and fun. I suppose they were sold on the premise, which is not a bad one: A guy from Ohio moves to California to try to get into advertising and find love, only to end up with an "advertising" job that consists of handing out flyers at the beach and on a string of hilariously bad dates gotten through a video dating service where he thinks he needs to pretend to be someone he's not in order to attract a girl.

Sounds okay, right? Well, none of the jokes hit, almost all the bits that are supposed to be funny are just stupid, and there is very little romance in this until the end, all tied up in a bundle of ridiculous cliches that will make you groan out loud.

The thing is, this has an actually half decent lead and several well known and amazing costars in it! I was surprisingly impressed with David Packer's ability to actually make me care about his idiot character. I've always liked Bridget Fonda but while she shows up throughout the movie, they don't give her as much time as they should, in my opinion. They tease romance between her and the lead but it's done really poorly, and the chemistry is terrible between them. Tony Geary, Kristy McNichol, and Charles Grodin all have great bit parts that I found fun to watch. Porn star Candie Evans even shows her amazing body off for a few seconds in two scenes. They all kept me watching, but wow, is this script bad.

Richard Martini wrote AND directed this, so he's the one to blame. I don't see a casting director but whoever got all these fun people to star in this is a genius.

It's not the worst thing I've ever seen but that's hardly a recommendation. If the cast interests you at all, it's better than staring at the wall, I guess. It's got a couple fun moments in it, but it's bad. Really bad. Good luck.

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It Lives Again (1978)

5/10

Too much drama and terrible acting, but enough schlocky fun to be watchable.

25 March 2022

When you watch a movie like this, you pretty much know what you're in for. This felt like a hastily put-together cash grab on the back of the first movie, which I'm sure it was. It's also why the script isn't exactly coherent and probably why there aren't as many monster scenes as we'd like and too much drama to pad out the movie's hour and a half run time, but when the monster scenes come, they were entertaining enough for me.

Like in the first movie, they keep the little monsters in shadow and mostly obscured or have scenes shot from their point of view, but I think that actually works to the benefit of this. You see enough of them not to feel completely cheated, but it would have been nice to have even more of them in this. Sure, a lot of it is laughably bad, but I wasn't expecting Oscar-winning effects here anyway and it's still done better than the schlocky movies of the 50s and 60s.

I gotta say, Frederic Forrest turns in one of the worst performances I've ever seen and he's one of the leads. He overacts to the point of hysteria, except it made me groan and roll my eyes more than laugh. And I thought. John P. Ryan was bad! Wow. Thankfully, Kathleen Lloyd does a great job and helps make this feel slightly more believable. I swear it looked like she had to fight from cracking up trying to act opposite Forrest's over the top antics, though. Andrew Duggan did a good job of treating his role seriously, too. John Marley is a recognizable face and not a bad actor, but in this, he is. He phoned it in. I can't say I blame him.

I'd say that overall this is about as good as the first one which isn't saying much, but not bad for the obvious cash grab sequel that it is.

Recommended for B-movie fans who don't take things too seriously. For others, I would steer clear of these kinds of movies in general.

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Scare Package (I) (2019)

8/10

A low budget, fun horror movie that does things right and doesn't take itself too seriously.

1 March 2022

I love horror movie anthologies but most of the amateur, low budget ones I've seen lately are absolutely terrible. There are some incredible gems out there, but you really have to dig for them.

I expected this movie to be another one for the scrap pile, especially since it was so low budget, but right away, I was laughing at how this movie knew exactly what it was and delivered on several surprising fronts.

Not every segment is good, but even the ones I didn't like as much had their moments and made me laugh.

This movie might as well be a love letter to cheesy horror movies in the best way. If you liked Scary Movie, I think you'll like this one even more.

The story and dialogue are great most of the time and save some of the worst segments. The acting isn't that good, but they pull it off. The effects were great, and one great cameo had me rolling.

8/10 is too high of a score, but I found it so fun that I have to rate it that high. I'll be watching this again and again from time to time. That's good enough for me.

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They Live in the Grey (2022)

6/10

Interesting and at times scary, but a little tough to sit through.

1 March 2022

I actually really liked this movie, but the pacing is agonizingly slow at times. The main character is someone who has experienced the loss of her child and blames herself for it, and as a result, she pushes everyone away. Unfortunately, she also pushes the audience away. It's like you have to drag the story out of her. This could be the fault of the way this was directed, written, the lead actor's choices, or the editing of the final product, or some combination of them - I'm honestly not sure, but it happened over and over again. During one of the last scenes (don't worry, no spoilers), the lead literally has a phone to her mouth and almost seems to refuse to deliver the next line, drawing it out way, way, WAY too long. There's an art to dramatic pauses. This movie doesn't get it right. But I give it a 6/10 for premise, atmosphere, and an interesting take on the whole "person who sees dead people" / medium idea. I would love to see this recut. It could be a really decent movie.

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A Discovery of Witches (2018–2022)

5/10

I cannot stand main characters that are oblivious. Especially when they're supposed to be brilliant.

1 March 2022

Am I supposed to believe that an astoundingly brilliant woman who is incredibly respected in academic circles and was raised by witches refuses to believe anything supernatural even when unexplained things keep happening around her that are so ridiculously weird that absolutely no one would dismiss them? Add to her cluelessness an actress who almost literally acts like Alicia Silverstone from Clueless - hair flips and all - and I'm so ridiculously disappointed.

The thing is, the sets are amazing, the rest of the cast is pretty good from what I can tell, and it even has River Song in it. The premise is a ton of fun and I want to see it pay off, but I'm not sure I can stand sticking around for it. One scene will be fun and intriguing and really entertaining and then the next scene (usually involving the main character) will be so mind numbingly dumb or contrived or WB-drama-esque that it makes me want to turn it off.

I can't do this to myself. I'm sure a lot of people will like this the way they like cheap wine and romance novels.

Edit I continued to watch it while muted, and so far it is miles better - except for the lead. Now she just feels like a lame version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer falling for Angel. Oh, that's where I've seen this before...! Lol.

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The Boy Behind the Door (2020)

4/10

Suspenseful in good and bad ways. Too drawn out to be good.

12 January 2022

Kids aren't this dumb. The writer apparently thinks kids are stupid. They're not and it took me out of the movie. Incredible acting, though. Also, when you draw out something purposefully for suspense, it's a delicate thing. This thing draws out moment after moment after moment WAY too long. This movie was frustrating and infuriating, both in subject matter and the way it was filmed and written. It's not ultimately a bad movie, but your fast forward button will be your best friend while watching, and it won't be any less suspenseful. Good luck.

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Down a Dark Hall (2018)

6/10

Angsty, moody, and depressing. Not very fulfilling.

6 November 2021

I think I know what happened to this movie, at least in part: It's adapted from a book written in the 70s, and that's why part of it feels like a period piece and so much of it feels just a little "off." Why didn't they just set it in the 70s? Did they think the audience wouldn't relate to timeless issues like rebellious kids in a nightmare school? Setting it in present day didn't fit the feeling of the school at all. That felt disjointed.

But ultimately, the problem for me is that the movie isn't fulfilling. The ending feels cliche and attempt to give some kind of closure but fails. I absolutely loved the premise of this thing and wished they would have gone further with it, but they didn't. In fact, I felt like they hardly spent any time with it at all. They spent so much time showing us that the kids are all delinquents and the headmistress is controlling and the school is dark and spooky but ignored the good stuff until the end, when it was supposed to be an a-ha! Moment but it just kind of falls flat.

I loved the performances, the setting, the score, and, like I said, the premise, but I kept getting angry at the movie and its characters for doing dumb things and for constantly bombarding me with conflict rather than resolution. They tease you with it, but never really give it to you, even when they try, and it's maddening.

You're gonna laugh at me, but I didn't even recognize Uma Thurman at first. I didn't recognize Anna Sophia Robb, either, but she's grown a little since the last movie I saw her in. I thought both did a wonderful job. The girl from the movie "Orphan" was in this, too, but she didn't have as much screen time.

There's a lot I liked about this movie, and I really wish the story had been more fulfilling than it was. In my head, I'm comparing it to The Kingsmen, where similarly, kids are sent to a school with strict rules to be refined into better versions of themselves, but that journey was MUCH more fulfilling and fun. It also kind of reminds me of the movie Seance, which I didn't like because it turned out to be something other than what it was advertised as, but felt more complete than this did. I also got shades of Harry Potter from this, and now that I think of it more, there are a ton of parallels. I'd recommend watching any of those over this one, but, according to most people's ratings here, if you want to watch this, you probably won't hate it, it's just probably not going to be high on your rating list either.

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The Black Water Vampire (2014)

5/10

Half decent. A sincere effort.

19 October 2021

The problem with this movie, for me, is that it's just not that compelling or original. The story follows a student documentary project about a series of murders. It starts well, with background on the murders and the man convicted for them, but then we see a lot of boring interviews and filler of the crew talking amongst themselves, then traveling to the scene of the murders in the woods, where of course they get lost and start bickering with each other. Who wants to watch that? It takes way too long for the movie to get going, but when it does, I was definitely more interested. But even then, nothing really shocked me and too much of it felt like a rip off of other movies that did it better.

I gotta give the cast and crew credit for throwing themselves into this. I thought the acting was above average, but not great. Still, it felt like they were doing everything they could to try to make this movie work. The makeup effects were great. It looked a bit like the vampire from Salem's Lot, and that's not a bad thing. Unfortunately, the story is too thin and cliche'd, and drags through most of the first half of the movie. The end doesn't feel satisfying, it feels like a mishmash of the endings from other movies.

I felt like this was a sincere effort from those involved, and I'm giving this a generous 5 out of 10. Reviews here are all over the place. It's honestly not that bad, but it's honestly not that good either. I like good found footage movies, and there aren't that many of them. The worst of them have amateurs who think they can just film themselves for an hour and a half and show something lame at the end. This was not that. This was a crew of talented amateurs who were really trying to do something good, and I could tell they put their hearts into this. I'd like to see what they do next. I hope they come up with a better script.

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Batman: The Long Halloween, Part One (2021)

8/10

I don't think Batman fans will be disappointed.

16 October 2021

No spoilers.

I was pleasantly surprised by this poignant adaptation. It's been a while since I read the comic so I can't say exactly how faithful it was to the source material, but it felt pretty close to me from what I remember. That's a good thing. The Long Halloween is celebrated as one of the best Batman stories and has a little bit of everything for everyone.

Brief synopsis: Batman, Commissioner Gordon, and District Attorney Harvey Dent work together to bring down Gotham crime boss Carmine Falcone, when a serial killer dubbed "Holiday" starts killing members of the Falcone family and makes things... difficult.

It's a whodunnit with a cavalcade of Batman's rogue's gallery and lots of twists and turns. Catwoman, The Joker, Poison Ivy, The Scarecrow, and several others play a part. Fun stuff!

The characters are well fleshed out in this story, and you get to know many of them intimately. I really like that about this story.

The voice acting was superb, even with Kevin Conroy missing. Jensen Ackles is definitely not one of my favorite actors, but I liked his take on this role and for the most part, I thought he did a great job! Kevin Conroy is a tough act to follow for this role, so I give him major props. There were a couple of weird moments where his voice sounded off to me, though. Like he was giving Bruce / Batman a hint of a Bronx accent or something. It was really weird. It only happened during a couple of scenes, especially during Bruce Wayne't first scene.

I really enjoyed this but it is bittersweet in more ways than one.

This was Naya Rivera's last role before tragically drowning at only 33. She did an excellent job of portraying Catwoman. The movie is dedicated to her.

PG-13 for violence, some swearing, and mature themes.

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Grave Halloween (2013 TV Movie)

4/10

Idiots on parade in a haunted forest.

7 October 2021

Hey, wanna watch a bunch of despicable people get what's coming to them? If so, then you might like this.

A student film crew goes to a haunted forest in Japan's infamous suicide forest, bringing along a girl whose mother apparently took her life there. She wants to perform a ceremony that will give her peace. At first, I thought she was going to be someone to root for, but I was wrong. She's just as bad as any of them, and unfortunately was the worst actor in the group, in my opinion. I didn't find her believable in any of this.

The only likeable character in this was the harbinger who was trying to help them. Our merry band of idiots don't take him the least bit seriously even when he simply asks them to be careful, pay attention to where they're walking, and to respect the dead. And as a rule for movies like this, they do the opposite of what he asks them to do and then can't understand why bad things are happening to them. It's so unfair!

The movie isn't completely without merit. The kill scenes are good, the cinematography was better than average, the story overall was okay (although it's a little vague), the production overall was good, and even though I found it painful to watch most of the cast play their characters, some of them did a pretty decent job with what they were given.

It's a TV movie that was probably cranked out pretty quickly. It's pretty well done considering that, but it's not good.

If this had even just slightly better actors and more likeable characters, I think it would have been a pretty decent movie. Unfortunately, the single word that comes to my mind when trying to describe this movie is "dumb." Smart premise, dumb movie. It's not the worst I've seen and the things that really bothered me about this movie (the characters and acting for the most part), may not bother other people as much. I've seen much, much worse, but I would only watch this if you're bored.

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V/H/S/94 (2021)

7/10

Hit and miss. Over the top gore. Darkly funny in parts. Two of the stories made this worth it for me.

6 October 2021

Warning: Spoilers

First of all, be warned: this thing is gory. There is a lot of blood. Seriously, over the top gore. So have a barf bag ready.

I'm going to try not to give anything major away, but I am going to summarize the stories, so if you want to go in blind, why are you even reading this? Anyway, mild to medium spoilers ahead.

This anthology begins with a wraparound story involving a unit of soldiers in the US answering some kind of call to investigate... something. It's used as a means to segue into the other segments but it's done awkwardly and has nothing to do with the other stories. Just about anyone could have come up with a better idea for a wraparound story.

First segment: An investigative news reporter and her camera guy end up finding people living in the sewer and try to cover it. They become a part of their story. This segment was really bad. And then out of nowhere they nailed it with an great ending! It was hilarious and over the top! I gotta give them credit for that, but it was tough to wade through the whole segment to get to it. I did a lot of fast forwarding.

The second segment takes place in a funeral home and also takes way too long to get going, but again the ending was pretty good, even if it didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Fun effects at least.

The third segment is basically a mad doctor doing experiments on people turning them into part machine. It's pretty sick. The doctor is Asian (set in Jakarta, apparently) and the segment is subtitled, which might bother some but didn't bother me at all. Easily the best segment and the most disturbing, ending with some surprisingly effective dark humor.

The fourth segment finds us in America with gun-toting religious zealots talking about cleansing the earth. They're somewhere outside of Detroit in the middle of winter and about to target a federal building with an unknown weapon. As the segment goes on, the "weapons" they plan to use make watching these sick idiots kind of hilarious, especially when everything starts falling apart for them. It gets better and better as it goes on.

The end credits name the segments in what I'm pretty sure is not the correct order: Holy Hell, Storm Drain, The Empty Wake, Terror, and The Veggie Masher (which I think is the last scene and not really much of a story). That about sums up the quality of this production.

I love anthology horror movies unless they're really bad. This one is very hit and miss but the 3rd and 4th segments totally make this worth watching for people who can handle the gore. Overall, I gotta give this a solid 7/10 just because of them. Your mileage may vary.

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Haunt (I) (2019)

3/10

Sadistic slasher movie

6 October 2021

Warning: Spoilers

3/10 is a harsh rating for me to give but let me explain why and why you might want to ignore it and go ahead and watch this if it's your thing.

Kids go into a haunted house that turns out to be real. This isn't new, but it's also a fun premise to revisit if done well - and this one is done pretty well. Unfortunately, I don't think there's enough torture porn for the sickos looking for it and for anyone else who didn't realize that they were going to be watching anything other than high schoolers being stalked, tortured, and killed in a death maze is going to be disgusted. It's too simple. It's a movie meant to disgust you and gross you out. That's fine. Some people will like that. It's not really my thing, but I liked the way they did the villains in this so I watched it. And it was okay for what it was, but there wasn't anything else to it, really.

My biggest problem is with poorly written protagonists who suck at surviving. It's cliche. I get it, that's what some of these movie are all about - just being a meatgrinder. But even the "smart" one here never makes sure anyone is dead and just sits there and stares at her impending doom most of the time. It's annoying. Well, to me anyway.

This will be much better than a 3/10 for people who want to watch this sort of thing. It's just not my bag.

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Wer (2013)

6/10

Unlike the monster in this movie, they don't quite stick the landing.

5 October 2021

Warning: Spoilers

This is a very fun movie that I can't believe I've never even heard of until now (viewed 2021 on Tubi). It got better and better as it went on - up to a point, then it started wavering a faltering to the point where I could only give this thing a 6/10.

I'm conflicted about this movie. I really liked most of it and loved the overall premise of real werewolves done in such a great way, but this movie doesn't appear to know what it wants to be and has some serious problems.

Parts of it are found footage, parts are crime drama, parts are kickass monster movie, and parts of it I just want to forget happened because they either don't make sense or are just bad.

The defense attorney is there throughout, right in the thick of things, even at the end when it makes absolutely no sense at all. That was the worst of it for me. The have an unfulfilled cover up plot thrown in that isn't bad but is barely addressed. The family has apparently been around for centuries or something but now all of a sudden they suck at hiding. One guy gets infected and another guy knows but doesn't say anything for... reasons? There's just a lot of questionable plot points in this thing, when the core of the movie is good enough alone. And the monster is awesome!

If I hadn't seen Malignant first, I might have rated this higher. That movie blew me away, even though it has kind of an identity problem, too. (Pun intended.) But they did it right. I would not be surprised at all if James Wan saw this before he made it. I see some serious parallels.

In any case, I recommend it if you like horror movies. It's a pretty wild ride even if it does wobble a bit.

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Z (I) (2019)

5/10

Spooky atmosphere and quality production, but I wanted more.

3 October 2021

Warning: Spoilers

Spoilers ahead. I have to talk about things in the movie I liked and didn't like and don't think I can do it without disclosing things.

I suspect people at least know it's another "imaginary friend" movie if they've seen the trailer or read the brief synopsis.

The thing is, we barely see "Z" and are never sure whether he's actually real or not. They don't quite tie up the loose ends of what Z actually is, and you're kind of left hanging. (Um, okay, if I say pun not intended I guess that's a spoiler, too.) If Z didn't do the things in the movie we see him do, or that it's implied he does, then who does them? If it's all in Beth's head, how does her son Josh see it too? And who did all the crazy crap Z did if it wasn't one or both of them? I need answers. I felt unsatisfied without them.

The acting was well done. The guy from Grave Encounters does a decent job, the woman who plays the mom does an even better job as the lead and reminded me of Anna Paquin (meant as a compliment). Stephen McHattie always reminds me of Lance Henrickson, but not quite as good. He's not bad, though. You won't roll your eyes at the acting. You'll roll your eyes at plot holes and things they just gloss over as the story progresses.

The kid, Josh, is sent home with several "red notes" from the teacher about behavioral problems which the father just signs and dismisses as "some kids act out." He doesn't tell his wife. There are like a dozen of these things and he just blows it off. I didn't buy it.

A kid gets seriously hurt when alone with Josh and there are no consequences for it that we see. No lawsuits. No child protective services. Nothing. I didn't buy that, either. Yeah, it's just a movie, but wow. Somehow, I was able to suspend disbelief and get past these things.

But then Beth finds out that she had the same imaginary friend from her therapist (McHattie), who is also treating Josh - but we never find out any more than that. How did he help her get rid of it? Did he? He insists that Z is completely in her head but talks about him like he's real. What kinds of things happened when she was a kid? Did he hypnotize her or something to get rid of it and that's why she doesn't remember? Why can't they fill in these blanks for us?

I get that sometimes it's more fun not to have all the answers and not know what was real and what wasn't, and I think that's what they tried to do here, but in my opinion, it just didn't work. I mean, they show us Z in at least a couple different forms, once from the point of view of the father, who doesn't believe in him at all, and Z does very real things to him. How are we supposed to make sense of this?

I wanted a monster movie or a slasher and it ended without me knowing which it was. That's a bit like having a whodunit movie and leaving you not knowing who the killer was. Okay, maybe not quite that bad, but I didn't like it. I think some people may be okay with it, but I wasn't.

Still, this was definitely spooky and creepy, and even though the story didn't feel quite as fleshed out as I would have liked, it wasn't a bad premise and it held my interest. It was well acted and I really liked the overall look and feel of the movie, so I'm giving it a 5/10. It's pushing a 6, but I can't quite go that high just because of all the loose ends and not having a solid ending.

Note: Someone's review mentioned bad sound, and I can see why they say it. It could have been better but it didn't bother me as much as it bothered them, and sound is a big deal to me. I was listening on a decent sound system, so maybe that made the difference.

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